Saturday, 11 June 2011

I Can Wee Out of a Leg Hole!

Baby Games

4:15am I decided to start muttering, grumbling and rolling around in my moses basket. My Mummy being so kind transferred me to another room so I didn't wake up Daddy. In the time it took Mummy to remove my old nappy and turn to unfold my new nappy, the changing mat was suspiciously wet. I however had a most innocent look on my face. Baby 1, Mummy Nil.
Mummy wiped up the suspicious dampness and checked me closely while I muttered most innocently. Then she started to put the new nappy on me. Just as she was attempting to close the tapes, I achieved a new trick and wee'd out of a leg hole. Baby 2, Mummy Nil.

Mummy removed the now wet nappy and started to wipe me down. Each time she thought she'd cleaned me, she found a new damp bit. Finally when she was cleaning my neck, she gave up and made arrangements for a bath. Have I mentioned how much I adore baths? ::sigh:: Baby 2, Mummy 1.

Once I was nice and clean (and quiet) again, Mummy succeeded in putting a nappy on me, dressed me in some new clothes and wrapped me in a blanket to keep warm. I was wide awake and plotting my next move. Mummy looked at me, decided I was awake enough for breakfast so she went to make me a nice warm bottle. In the time it took her to do this, I went from wide awake to fast asleep. Baby 3, Mummy 1.

Mummy looked at the clock, it was only just 5am. So with a yawn, she pulled a duvet onto the couch and decided to curl up for a nap since I was safely snoring in my moses basket. Just as she started to drop off, I screeched causing her to jump a foot in the air - which from a lying down position is quite the feat. Well, I HAD dropped my dumbles. Baby 4, Mummy 1.

Mummy kindly reinserted my dumbles and as all was quiet on the Western front, decided to curl up again. It was now 5:30am. I allowed her to start to drift off again before I started kicking, crying, and being altogether noisy. Well I HAD dropped my dumbles again....Mummy was now wide awake and so this time I fell asleep properly. Baby game, set and match.
‎5:36am Mummy it worth it? No probably not...
5:45am Mummy decides I'm fast asleep so its probably safe. 5:56am I wake up and announce I'm ready for my milk...
Later on... 
I remember that this morning, I have a chiropractor's appointment at 9:40am. I do not like this man. He pokes and prods me and I don't care that it's expensive or that it's good for me, he interrupts my naps. It's currently 8:30am and I begin muttering in my moses basket as I determine my game plan. I know Mummy is busy getting ready and is hoping I will stay asleep for just a little bit longer. So I shout to inform her that she is required to attend to my nappy. I know she hopes it will be a quick job but, as will come as no surprise to my loyal readers, it was green, sticky and NOT a quick job. Baby Rematch 1, Mummy Nil.

Mummy puts me back in my basket and makes a bottle hoping I will go to sleep while she gets us ready and that I will wait for milk until we are finished. I rumble her plan and instantly start shouting that I require my milk RIGHT NOW. The mere fact that I wasn't remotely hungry five minutes ago has absolutely no bearing on the situation. Baby 2, Mummy Nil.

Mummy sighs rather a lot but being the good Mummy that she is, she gets me ready and gives me some milk. I drink precisely one quarter of my bottle and start to fall asleep. Mummy breathes a sigh of relief as it is now 8:56am. Baby 2, Mummy 1.

I know she has relaxed too soon because at 8:58am a rather potent smell reaches Mummy's nose. She looks down as the smell gets worse and with a sigh transfers me to the changing mat once again. It is here that I reveal the extent of my deviousness. Mummy sees a suspicious greenish brown stain on the back of my clothes. She investigates further and discovers that the poo has squelched out of my nappy, all the way up my back, around my legs and just for good measure, even onto her top. Ahh, the sweet squelch of success. Mummy says some words I'm not supposed to know yet. Baby 3, Mummy 1.
Mummy attempts to clean me up. She really does try. She then realises this is a hopeless task and so she prepares my second bath of the morning. Ahhh. I hadn't quite bargained on this one. It is 9:07am as I enter the bath. Mummy is still saying words I'm not supposed to know yet. I still don't like baths but in the circumstances I'm willing to avoid shouting just so I can listen to Mummy's words. I still however, do not like baths. Baby 3, Mummy 2.
Mummy redresses me in some clean new clothes. She changes her clothes. She puts all of my clothes and hers into the washing machine. She packs all of my things for the chiropractors and we get out the door by 9:21am. Wow. Mummy moves fast. Baby 3, Mummy 3.

While sitting in the carseat and halfway into the car, I decide to spit my dumbles onto the driveway and I SCREECH because I have DROPPED my DUMBLES!!!! This CANNOT BE!!! Mummy puts me into the car and returns to the house to find a new dumbles. Baby 4, Mummy 3.

Mummy backs the car onto the road, she drives exactly a mile down the road and with four miles still to travel, I spit my new clean dumbles onto the floor of the car and begin to scream. It's a long four miles. Baby 5, Mummy 3.

Mummy perseveres. She is determined that I WILL go to the chiropractor and we WILL arrive on time. Through her magical Mummy powers, we arrive at the chiropractors at 9:39am. Wow. I'm impressed. Mummy is good. Baby 5, Mummy 4.

Mummy takes me into the chiropractors and despite all of my best efforts, he prods and pokes me anyway and I cannot nap. I am NOT impressed. The entire chiropractor's office, all of the staff and all the other patients KNOW I am NOT impressed.

Let's just call it a draw shall we?

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