Tuesday, 19 July 2011

The Service in this Hotel is Unacceptable!

I have decided that I've been well behaved for far too long.  This was lulling Mum into a false sense of security.  It was time to plot.  Look at that face, you can see the gears turning...

It began last night as I happily roared my way through my last bottle of the evening at around 8:30pm.  I zedded off into the land of nod and as my parents admired my sweetly sleeping face, they had no idea what was coming.  Tehehehe....

At precisely 2:56am I SCREAMED loudly, rather enjoying the effect of watching two snoring parental bodies jump a foot straight up in the air.  Of course they rushed over to my basket to find out what was wrong.  I ignored them.  I was very busy examining the new invention that is my fist.  It's a very interesting fist.  You know, as fists go....Tell me, does everyone have these long wiggling things at the end of their hands?

Adam 1, Parents Nil.

The parents stopped hyperventilating and sloped back off to bed.  They thought the crisis had passed.  Oh how innocent they were...as the duvet was pulled over shoulders, I waited for them to yawn and start to relax and then I started to giggle.  Then I thought I'd try a new trick and I screamed again.  Nothing was wrong of course, I was just trying to figure out how loudly I could do it.  I quite like screaming.  It's particularly fun in the middle of the night, for some reason the effect is a bit more dramatic.

Unfortunately, a dumbles was rapidly inserted thus interrupting my concentration.  Bugger.

Adam 1, Parents 1.

I thought for a moment.  I sucked on my dumbles.  It is after all a nice dumbles and I do generally quite like it.  But tonight, I was busy.  I worked my tongue behind it and with a loud "ppfffffft" sound, I played projectile dumbles, just to see how far I could get it.  I think I hit my feet but I'm not quite certain as I couldn't see.  I felt it thump though so I chuckled.  Result.
Adam 2, Parents 1.

Hmmm.  They ignored me.  How dare they ignore me?  I wonder if I can scream any louder?  Oh yes.  Apparently I can.  Excellent.
Adam 3, Parents 1.

Daddy came over to my basket with a deep, tired sigh.  I grinned up at him in a most angelically cute manner.  I'm just so adorable when I want attention.  Once again, he inserted my dumbles.  Oh dear, it is a nice dumbles....snore......
Adam 3, Parents 2.

4:53am and it was time to scream.  Loudly.  Ahh the sweet sound of panic.  Success....  After all, I was hungry and my milk was overdue.  Parents, I hunger.  Feed me at once.  No, not in five minutes.  NOW.  The mere fact that I wasn't remotely hungry five minutes ago has absolutely no bearing on the matter.  I'm HUNGRY.  NOW.  Ahh, watching the parents run as I scream and writhe in my bed as though I'm being tortured while screaming loudly enough to convince the neighbours I'm being murdered is soooo much fun.
Adam 4, Parents 2.

Daddy plucked my bed out of it's rocking stand and took me downstairs where he shut the door on my roars.  I know he was making my milk but this was so unfair it was unbelievable.  I didn't know I had it in me but I succeeded in screaming even louder.  I think the dog was covering her ears.  Eventually, a whole 4.5 minutes later, I FINALLY received some milk.  The service in this hotel is just utterly unacceptable.  I must have a word with the management...

Anyway, I lulled Daddy into thinking all was well with my world. I politely finished off my milk with just a couple of loud burps into his ear and only a little bit of vomit down his back.  He's spoiled really.

Then the fun began.  I had a little short nap while he dozed with me in his arms (naughty Daddy, he knows he's not supposed to do that) and then just as he was getting comfortable, I started to wiggle.  I squirmed and I wriggled until he put me down onto my playmat.  Success.  It was now 5:46am, all in the house was nice a quiet and rested.  Not for long....

Well in my defence, I was just *practicing* my screaming.  You never know when you'll need the skill in later life.  I was *learning*.  And I needed to learn for an hour and fourteen minutes.  In other words, just enough time for the entire complement of staff to be awake and up out of their beds.  Then, mission accomplished, my work was done and it was time to rest my weary eyes.  

I slept till 9am.

Ahhh.....

Adam 5, Parents 2.  (I win)


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