Wednesday, 29 August 2012

A Staff Training Course...

I was lying in my cot last night and realized it's been far too long since I've put Mummy and Daddy through a training day so I thought it was definitely time for some plotting.  As I lay in the darkness and munched on Dumbles, I worked out my plan and then, after a brief snooze, put it into action.

4:03am:  "MUMMY!  DADDY!  I AM AWAKE!"

4:04am:  Hmmm the staff are being delinquent.  Must call louder.


4:06am:  Daddy stumbled into my room to find me standing up in my cot smiling as I waved Dumbles at him.

"HELLO DADDY!  I'm awake now.  Can we play please?"

But then, the sheer indignity, Daddy stuffed Dumbles back into my mouth and laid me down on my pillow!  He gently covered me with my quilt and rubbed my back for a few minutes so I closed my eyes just to make him happy.  He smiled to himself and crept out of the room as I began to count.





This time it was Mummy who stumbled into my room.  She had quite funny bedhead so I giggled at her and bounced up and down in my cot.

4:14am: "HELLO MUMMY!  I'm awake now.  Can we play please?"

Ahh, this is more productive.  Mummy lifted me out of my cot, and cuddled me against her.  I wrapped my arms around her neck and snuggled into her mumbling happily.  Then she carried me into her bedroom and settled me down on my own little pillow between her and Daddy, covering me with their duvet.

I lay as still and quiet as a mouse.

For at least thirty seconds.

Then I started to roll.  And I started to kick.  And I succeeded in doing a few 360 degree rotations so I was kicking Daddy in the head and tucking my face into Mummy's armpit.  Then I stood on my head and tried to do a roleypoley.  I nearly had it cracked when Mummy, the spoilsport pulled me back down and snuggled my head on her shoulder.

"Mummy!"  I complained.  "I was doing a roleypoley!  I was busy!"

4:31am:  "Mummy, I really am ready to get up now!  Please take me downstairs for some milk and Chuggington!"

Mummy was still being a spoilsport though.  She said, "Baby, you are not getting up at 4:30 in the morning.  Now go to sleep."


To my utter disgust, Mummy ignored my well phrased comments and laid me down again beside her.  The cuddle was nice and all but it just wasn't working for me - staff training was so far leaving much to be desired.  By 5am, Daddy was sighing quite a lot and occasionally punching his pillow as he tried to get comfortable.  I think he might have been feeling a little bit tired but....

5:01am: "DADDY!  IF YOU'RE FEELING TIRED, A NICE CUP OF TEA WILL HELP YOU WAKE UP A BIT!  I know you make tea downstairs and that's perfect you see because then you can make my MILK at the same time!  YOU SEE? YOU SEE?  YOU SEE?  It's perfect really!"

Daddy groaned and covered his head with the pillow.  Hmmm.  This was not going as planned. 

I decided my best bet was to try the roleypoley again.  That would surely convinced Mummy and Daddy that I really was awake now.  I stood up, bounced a bit to get ready then bent over with my nappy in Daddy's face and my arms braced on Mummy's neck while my head was wedged in her soft squishy bits.

3....... (wiggle)

2..... (wiggle wiggle)

1!!  Over I rolled and my legs smacked Mummy in the face as she "whomphed" in surprise.


5:04am:  Thankfully this was the final straw and Daddy realized my need for milk really was quite urgent so he went to prepare me a lovely gourmet bottle.  I thought I could hear a bit of groaning from downstairs but it might have been the dog so I won't blame him for being less than enthusiastic about meeting my needs.  

5:22am:  I lay on my little pillow and mumbled contentedly as I gulped down my milk.  Yummy, tasty milk.  Mmmmm.....just the perfect way to start my day.  Sadly, my bottle was empty all too soon and after I obligingly burped in Mummy's ear, she lay me down and started to pat my arm clearly hoping I would go back to sleep.  She even lay down beside me with her eyes closed in an effort to inspire me.

Yah.  Right.  Mummy, you have much to learn.  

5:34am:  I am AWAKE.  Awake, awake, awake, awake.  Hmmm.....shall it be another roleypoley or shall I stand up and rattle the metal headboard against the neighbour's adjoining wall - which will be most effective?  ::plotting::

Just then, one of the furry thingy's joined my waking up campaign and, with a great huge groaning heave and a long meeeeoooowwwwww, decided to leave the contents of it's stomach on the hall floor.  Excellent!  Thank you very much furry thingy!  That was very helpful of you!  You see?  Daddy is now rushing downstairs to pick it up, this definitely means it's time to wake up.  Have I mentioned how much I like furry thingy's???

5:44am:  "Daddy!  You're coming back for me right?  Once you've cleaned up of course.  DADDY?  DADDY!!!!!  WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE SLEEPING ON THE SOFA?!  DADDY!!!!!!!"

5:47am:  Hmmm.  This was not going quite according to plan.  We are definitely not amused.  NO Mummy, I DON'T want to cuddle!  I am AWAKE.  I believe I have mentioned this once or twice now, what does it take for you to get the point?  You are staff, I am baby and I set the rules in this house!




OOO!!!!!!!  A positively brilliant idea has just popped into my head!  I can pull Mummy's hair!  Why on earth did it take me so long to figure this one out?  Tug.  Tug.  Tugtugtugtugtugtugtugtug........

Hello Mummy.  Happy morning!  Are you awake yet???


Unfortunately, as I have explained previously, Mummy has my stubbornness so she didn't give up easily.  She is also very fond of her sleep (much too fond in my opinion) so our discussion continued, growing rather louder as the minutes passed until she finally gave in at 6:05am and took me downstairs.  There she deposited me in Daddy's lap making him "uuumph!" in the process as he had the indignity to be sleeping.  Fortunately, I had the perfect remedy for that so I crawled across to smile angelically into his tired face and then began to tug on one single chest hair.


6:10am:  Well, somewhat later than planned but finally, both staff are successfully awake and ready to serve my every need.  An excellent start to the day I think.  Now then, I think the plan will be as follows:

6:15am:  Watch CBeebies at a lovely loud volume and dance along to Teletubbies.

6:45am:  Have a rather large poo in my pants.

6:46am:  Crawl up onto the settee and settle down comfortable in Daddy's lap as the rising odour of fresh poo fills the room.

6:47am:  Ensure maximum wriggling while staff attempt to change my pants.

7:00am:  Demand breakfast - loudly and instantly while shouting in utter panic - I HUNGER!  STAFF!!!  I HAVE A RUMBLY IN MY TUMBLY!  FIX IT AT ONCE!!!!!

7:20am:  Having finished a lovely bowl of lemon yogurt porridge, tuck into a nice slice of marmite toast.

7:30am:  Bounce along to Octonauts.

7:54am:  Announce that My Majesty is now tired and would quite like to retire for my morning nap, which I fully expect to last until lunchtime.

Ahhh.  Staff training, Session 1A complete.  Job well done.  


Thursday, 23 August 2012

I'm getting super-bionic ears!

Hi everyone!

It's been a long time since I've written to all of you I know, but I have some very exciting news - I get to be a superhero with super bionic ears! 

You see Mummy and Daddy took me to see my ear doctor yesterday to talk about the test they did on my hearing a few weeks ago - the one where they made me drink some icky stuff and put me to sleep.  I was very busy exploring the doctor's office while Mummy, Daddy, Graham and the doctor talked in all sorts of big words I didn't really understand.  It was ok though because I was having fun.  Do you have any idea how many interesting things there are to play with in a doctor's office?  Well of course I was in to everything, you would expect nothing less of me would you?  

Let's see, first I borrowed the doctors mousemat and rubbed it around on the floor for a while, then I had a little chew on it to make sure it was nice and sticky and covered with teeth marks before very nicely giving it back to the doctor by dropping it in his lap.  He's a very nice doctor so he said thank you to me but before he had finished speaking, I was on the other side of the room helping him empty his box of rubber gloves, I was counting them you see, helping him decide if he had enough for his work that day.  The best way of counting a box of gloves is by first spreading them out on the floor and then starting at the beginning with number one.  

The nice nurse smiled and took the box off me, I wondered whether or not to have a shout but I decided against it because I'd spotted the rubbish bin and it looked perfect for filing my teeth on so I scuttled over to chew on the lid while staring at my reflection.  Mummy pulled me away from that one and I grumbled at her for a bit but then I noticed that the doctor had my file open on his desk.  This is a HUGE amount of paper all stuck together and since it tells everyone all about me, I thought it was only fair that I should have a look.  So I marched over to the doctor, pushed his knees out of the way and reached my wet sticky hands up to grab the file.  The doctor smiled at me and pushed the paper away but that was not acceptable so I launched myself towards it and managed to get a whole handful of paper before the doctor succeeded in taking it out of my clenched fists.  I think he must have experienced this before though because he succeeded in unclenching my fists even as Mummy had her hands around my waist from behind.  I couldn't fight both of them off at once so I agreed to let go and returned to chewing the mousemat.

After a few minutes though, that was boring so it was back to the trolley of medical supplies for some more exploring.  This time the nurse was a little bit quicker so I couldn't get into much and by now I was thoroughly bored.  The grown ups were still talking about me but not to me so I decided it was time for me to leave.  I marched over to the door, yanked on the handle, opened the door and I was off to explore another room in the hospital.  I think it was my giggle that gave me away because no more than a few seconds after my nappy had crossed the threshold, I felt Daddy's hands lifting me straight up off the floor as he returned me to the doctors office.   This was sure to be a fun game so although I occupied myself with whacking at the doctors mouse and keyboard (he pulled those away from me too) I kept one eye on the door.  As soon as the grown ups were talking again, I scuttled straight under the chairs, made a beeline for the door and I was off.  This time I got at least three feet into the hallway of the hospital before Daddy reached me and quite firmly returned me to the doctors office.

The grownups seemed to talk for hours so I made sure to keep them busy and made sure they couldn't forget I was there.  But the important thing about it all is that the doctor has finally decided it would be a good idea for me to have some super bionic ears - I get to be a superhero with superpowers!  Wow!  How exciting is that?!

Today, Mummy took me over to family group with all of the other children who sometimes find it hard to hear the way other people do, and I got to play with my friends.  I made stacks of bricks, I played with a new musical toy, I chewed on some big lego and was having a fabulous time.  I didn't know how soon the fun would stop but Graham asked Mummy to bring me into the other room saying he wanted to do something called making ear moulds.  I didn't know then what this meant but once I realized, I was NOT impressed.  You see Graham poked a little string down into my ears, then he used something that looks an awful lot like a small glue gun and squirted some bright purple silly putty into my ears!  It was HORRIBLE!  I squirmed, shouted and tried to pull Graham's hands away but Mummy, the traitor, held my hands so I couldn't!  Then Graham was shaping the putty and making sure it filled my ears and it was just horrible.  I was shaking my head and trying to get it out but I couldn't.  After a few minutes though, Graham pulled gently on the string and the putty popped straight out of my ear.  That was when I realized he was using the putty as a shape to make my special bionic ears.  I wish I'd realized sooner, I might not have complained quite so much if I knew it was all to give me my superpowers.  If only the big people would explain things to a baby, life would be so much easier if they would just realize how smart I really am!

Then it was time to play outside in the playground with the other children so I made a beeline for the door.  I climbed in and out of the cars, I crawled up the stairs to the slide and led Mummy on a very fun game that involved her running back and forth between the stairs and the slide while I tried to make up my mind which one I wanted to try going headfirst down....then once Mummy had gotten me down the slide, she showed me the huge wiggly caterpillar tunnel, that was so much fun - I crawled all the way through it giggling all the way.  It didn't seem very long at all until Mummy was picking me up and taking me inside for snack time.  I wasn't impressed but I made sure everyone knew I was there by grabbing two of the children's cups of juice and spilling them all over the table while I giggled.  That was fun because it made all the grownups jump and dance.  I do love it when that happens!

Then Graham came out with a tray of differently coloured bionic ear thingy's and I helped Mummy choose which one I wanted - there were silver ones, white ones, pinky kind of ones that looked like my skin, browny kind of ones that looked like other people's skin...but the best ones were the brightly coloured ones - there was bright pink, purple, green and blue!  I took my time choosing and eventually decided I wanted the very bright, electric blue ones because they're the colour of Superman's cape so if I'm going to have super bionic ears then I want them to be like Superman.  On the way home, Mummy explained that I'm a very special boy and only very special boys get to have super bionic ears.  Apparently I have to wait until we get back from a place called Ca-na-da because Graham is going to do one more hearing test on me to make sure my new ears work just right but by October, I'm going to have the best ears in the whole wide world - I'm so excited, I can't wait!  I like being special.  :-)

Friday, 3 August 2012

Adam Screaming on Radio Shropshire!

Adam's story was also featured twice on BBC Radio Shropshire, Sam Fleet interviewed us last year when Chris was doing the sponsored walk for the hospital so when the news editor saw Adam's story in the national press on Friday, he recognized us.  He came out to the house Friday lunchtime to interview me for the Friday afternoon DriveTime program.  Unfortunately His Majesty was feeling rather vocal during this interview and doing his best to distract Mummy by climbing onto furniture before returning headfirst to the floor so I'm quite amazed I managed to get a coherent interview out around the antics!  

Below is a link to the iPlayer versions of the DriveTime program and you can find my interview at 2hrs 13mins.  There was by the way a DJ's error so he introduces me, then accidentally plays a station promo before returning to the interview, just bear with it!

If you can't access the iPlayer version above, Sam has sent me an MP3 of the clip which should be more widely accessible:

At the end of this interview, Sam said he'd seen in the national press that I was training to be a vicar and as Radio Shropshire has a Sunday morning program which includes elements of all faiths, he asked if he could ask me a question about my faith and how I reconcile that with an experience in NICU - talk about being put on the spot!  I answered quite quickly around His Majesty's ever-more enthusiastic antics and howls in the background (he was crawling underneath the armchair in the conservatory and then deciding he was stuck so shouting to be rescued).  There are of course so many other things I could have said with time to stop and think about it, but on the spot, this is what he got:

Sunday's Faith programme at 1hr, 40mins.

Or the MP3 version of the clip:

(Sorry it took me a few days to get these sorted - it's been a busy week between baby duties and taking care of a post-surgery husband!)